Light comes on
Susan screams.
Cobwebs everywhere
Picks broom
Cleans everywhere.
With dust covered face,
she turns and gives the most
Heartfelt apology ever

Women and Men of Reflections, I should write an apology letter for abandoning this beautiful thing we have going on here, but God knows I probably won’t finish it in time because the thing long die, so please have mercy on me and pardon my weird disappearance.

What happened you might ask? The only answer to that question is this: school happened, I know am supposed to write about what I’ve been up to but boring cannot describe it sef.

Hope everyone forgives me.
*bats eyelashes, drops makeshift microphone,picks the most powerful weapon ever; The pen and starts writing furiously*

Fellow reflectionist *sounds beautiful* make una help me talk this matter, cause I don tire to dey hear all this things wey people dey load me with.

I have 99 problems and depression is part of it. Are you upset cause I talk about it? Deal with it.

So a guy friend walks up to me and says “Nne I’ve been watching you for days now and you don’t look happy, remember a problem shared is a problem solved”
I look into his soulful eyes, thanking God for sending me someone to talk to and I answer
“I am depressed” and he goes “Nigerians don’t have depression”

***awkward silence*** More depressed susan*** she packs her bags and storms off to God knows where***

Now that scene happened for real, anyone who knows me will know that I try to be open-minded about this depression issue as much as I can, shey make I begin give definition of this depression thing? I beg to differ after all wetin google dey exist for?

But am going to say something about about this thing once and for all.
1. You are weak in the faith that’s why the devil attacks you with depression: Religion has nothing to do with depression, even david in the bible was a classic case of a depressive, advice the person to get Help if you can’t say something else.

2. Get over it: (˘̯˘ ) you think I like being this way?

3.You only have negative thoughts that’s why you are depressed: Positive thinking might alleviate depression but its not the cure.

4. You are weak that’s why you have depression, errrm its the opposite am a mutant soldier who carry’s on living despite having depression.

5. You think too much: like really?

But this is the truth:
i think it’s important to recognize the number of factors that contribute to a person’s behaviors and perception of the world.And I know that some people-regardless of their upbringing,or despite having a ‘healthy’ upbringing- will make poor choices.  and even then, i attempt to understand

Because what i know is that you cannot reduce people to hasty generalizations based on your limited understanding of their situation because of facts stated it is much more complicated than that. And also there are still so many people in this world who do not understand. who choose not to understand. and who continue to blame people for the suffering they do not take the time to understand.
And so if your understanding of depression or suicide is one that blames the person who is struggling with the mental illness, i would challenge that your knowledge of their life and experiences is incomplete. i would challenge you to have one conversation with a person who has had thoughts of suicide, attempted suicide, or who struggles with a mental illness. i challenge you to be curious rather than judgmental, open minded and open hearted.

I challenge you to seek to understand rather than assume that you already know, because you really do not know. 

For those whose suffering feels unnoticed,For those people who feel quietly stuck inside their mind, those that feel hopeless,whose cries for help are mislabeled or misunderstood as cries for attention or flaws in their being,For the people who feel too tired to continue living,For people who struggle with depression and For people who don’t,For people who are having a bad day,or kerosene subsidy hit you, or Nepa keeps robing you of your joy, or those who have horrible bosses, for those with plenty friends yet extremely lonely and for those people who don’t understand the illness but are willing to try. 

There is still time to ask for help, to smile, to heal, to live, to love and to recover
There is still time for sunshine, love and every beautiful thing you could ever imagine to come into you heart, there is still time to live again.

And for those asking why I cut my hair in the first place, I did it because I wanted to attempt suicide, and I thought people would notice I needed help for my condition but people only made me feel worse about it, and yes I finally found help for my condition, even though its hard to talk about sometimes. Get help if you are depressed.

If you ever want to talk about somethings or nothings, please do email me

Love Suzanne.



  1. Dear Suzzy,
    To tell you I didn’t notice this would be a lie, I just didn’t want to sound all nosy and stuff..I sensed it in the stuffs I see you write (not here) et al. But since you’ve said it yourself, I can now give the little something I can to help you out, and NO its not your fault, but YOU can play a role in your healing…


  2. we all gwt depressed but how we deal with it differs.. it is either you allow it ruin you or you allow it make you.. I still believe in using all negative experiences to bring forth positivity… burnt to born beauty..

    1. The truth is this Temi, most people don’t understand depression, despite the positive talk, its ok to get real once in a while. Am all for turning ashes into beauty, my life is a classic example. Missed you plenty.

  3. Swthrt… you don’t have 99 problems. Life may seem bulky but trust me, your problems no plenty. The devil is just shading u frm d light, mkin u think ur life is freakin nt easy but Jesus says different.
    Remember to cast your cares!.

    For real 4 real…. pple dnt get depression. Ts disheartening. My advice, look for people who get n undetstand u n God’s word to talk to.
    Btw…. depression isnt always bad, smtimes the best rhema, ideas, healin etc comes aftr or durin depression plus I hear only really cr8 n smart pple get depressed.

    Sister… I can relate.

    I got healin frm depression. .. u will too

    M always ere if u wanna tok.

    Oya bye bye

  4. Nigerians like to pride themselves that they don’t have depression. Which is supposed to be good but it does nothing to help those who are actually depressed. The worst part is not that you have no place to get help but i can no longer talk to my friends and family abt it, they tell me to try and get over it. One of them even says that christians who have faith do not have to be depressed which maybe true but does nothing to help you…two weeks ago i decided to struggle it alone until i’m in a position to get help.

  5. Okay Bubba, I read this yesterday, and it really touched my heart. Sorry i couldnt comment earlier, i am a KEYBOARD freak, so i hate to blog with other devices. okkkkaaayyyy… I used to be the President of National Depressed men association, Duru’s chapter.. Often times yeah, I would get so angry at myself, so depressed, and i just had horrible mood swings. Was I broke? No My family could feed me. Was i dumb? No, I mean i was tryiong so hard to succeed. Was i ugly? No i dont think so. But was I depressed? Yes. Why? I dont know. There were times in the past that I had a craving to end my life, but you know what a Reverend father and mentor said when i went to his advice.. He said

    “” Nonso, you seem to be from a good home, but let me tell you something: The good times of life out weight the bad ones, as there are more good times, more happy times, and more times of joy than there are times of sadness.

    Su-Su 🙂 hehehe lemme tell you something you already know.. Depression is a choice, a self made decision to be sad.. But you see Life is never that Bad or tough to want to adopt depression as a way of life, so kick of your shoes, dance to DoroBuccci, go clubbing, Smoke, drink, pray to GOD, do whatever makes you happy, but Baby mi, Do not choose to be depressed.

    When I was a Depressee :)… All I thought and believed was that my life wasnt just perfect, that there was a hole in me that could not be ever filled. I thought i wasnt good enough, but it was all a lie, it was the devil forming Lawyer on my case. So today Bubba, i implore you to choose happiness, to smile, to go out and love, and be loved, to not fear failure or heart break, and to trust God for a bright tomorrow.. Cause believe it or not.. There is no need to fear Tomorrow, cause GOD is already there. Be thankful Baby mi…

    P.S: Do not give the devil access into your Car (Life) he will always want to drive. Cheers Bubba. are you on Instagram?

  6. Hey you, got here from Duru 😀 (he’s cute, isn’t he) and amazing too.

    I want to have a wordless conversation with you right now, starting with a very-tight almost-smothering hug 🙂

    A lot of people don’t understand depression. They confuse it with sadness. Depression is a medical condition. I remember a tweet i saw “when people ask: why are you depressed it makes me wonder because it’s almost the same as asking why a person has cancer. I mean, of course there are some pointers and symptoms but you never really know.
    I’m so happy to hear you’re getting help. Surround yourself with people who understand you and we’ll get through this. (yes i used we…you’re already my friend *shines teeth*… Ok, that sounds a lil stalker-ish but i promise you I’m not…really…athink…i can be though lool

    Let me run before i turn this comment into another blogpost

  7. Finallllyyyyyy….I finally I found your blog. … see Suzanne, all through today I have been down…like literally and mentally down. I have been depressed and I think its cos I have been thinking a whole lot. Mami I got on here (found your link through duru’s blog) and I saw this post and i felt like you were talking to me. Can we talk on the phone? Like can you send me your number? Thanks mami. I’m waiting

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