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Brave Series: Day 1-Efe

​Some people are land mines, some people you have no business meeting, you step on them and they explode in your face,  I hope you learn to not be your own wrecking ball. –Wrecking Ball

I remember the first time I come Portharcourt from Benin to learn hair dresser work after my WAEC, I been happy but I no know say while even as my papa still dey alive say I got live like an orphan in for this life. 

Blood even as e join people so,  no mean say them be your family, my own sister wey bring me come here just abandon me because of one thing wey I still no understand , some people do get your progress for mind at all. 

I don get 3 madams since I start the work , I no even know which one worse pass inside all of them.

The first one treat me  bad ehn, I even develop ulcer because I no see enough food chop talk more of sleep,  the other one refused to pay wetin we agree,  the third one that is the person I still dey with nah the worse person to work for. 

Despite all the things wey I don go through, I still strong because one day i will not work for any person again,  December season Dey come I go open my own shop even if nah one small corner like that. once I get small money. No be fear hold me, nah money. 

This year been hard for me, but I know say those things na just temporal, next year go better. ——-Efe 

#survivor #brave

#blackandwhite

#wreckingball #poetry #poetsofinstagram #documentaryphotography

#storyteller 

#contemporaryphotography #visualstoryteller #monochrome #bravo #street #storm #everydayafrica #everydayph #invisibleborders 

#canon1200d #canonđź“· #stilllearning

Featured, THINK

Thoughts 

Lately I have been thinking about all the ways we abandon ourselves, only to leave pieces of our souls in hollow places like other people’s bones, how we are constantly disappointed by the reflection of ourselves we see in the mirror when it’s not even the big picture.

I am thinking about all the abandoned spaces in our bodies that we can recover when we show up whole regardless of all the flaws, imperfections and uncertainty we may have or feel. 

I am thinking of how we could stop assuming that the way we love any person is the way they want to be loved and just ask “how can I love you”.

I am thinking of how loneliness turns every step you make into desperation, of how I am scared of commitment and permanence and asking if I know how to love deeply or if I am content with loving the idea of a person.

I am thinking of all the possibilities that are available to us when we walk this path together holding spaces for others by not judging them and just letting them be and just speaking softly into the hardness of their souls and ours.

These thoughts keep me awake but I know it’s part of the process and I have to trust that I make the right decisions. 

Happy New Month, i hope October brings love and happiness.

Opinion+ Self Help, Rants and Bants, THINK

Unlearning Self-Hate

I used to be clueless about self love; well not anymore. Lately I’ve been learning and the process for me can only be described as grueling, painful, and liberating.

I used to think loving one’s self meant being proud and turning your nose up at peoples opinions and walking around with a superior air.

While growing up I thought it was something that was gotten from having done something right. Something that I described as a well DESERVED payment for doing good.
These days I find myself learning that, that analogy is faulty.
I am learning that Self Love means giving yourself the permission to just “Be” and being content with all that you are.
It is taking the all that you think you know about love and unlearning it.

I certainly will not say that you hate yourself, far from it, but if you are anything like me you feel like whatever move you make is being scrutinized by the entire universe and that unless they give you permission love would forever seem like a myth. You want to feel like you Deserve Love unless you’ll feel like a fraud.

We sacrifice every waking moment to the quest of waiting hand and foot on people to tell us they need us and validate our actions.

It nauseates me to think this is what I spent my 22yrs on earth doing.

We throw ourselves at the mercy of these people and enthrone them, living off the scraps they offer us. But we have the choice to forever hold up our hearts to people who would forever keep smashing them to bits or take our hearts polish them and say its ok to not know what love is but I know hurting isn’t loving”

The truth is this I haven’t mastered the art yet, I am still learning, but the more I learn the easier it becomes for me live a life filled with joy and peace.
It is easy to want to compare and belittle yourself at whatever chance you get. Just because we haven’t accomplished the things we should have at a certain age.

If we keep doing that it simply means we don’t really like ourselves at all.

I have lived so much in self hate that love now seems like a distant cousin whom I’ve never met.

But I have chosen to abandon self hate and instead start on a road that encourages me daily to embrace my flaws and all the goodness that oozes out of me even though I am shortsighted to see it sometime, That same path that shows me the escape hatch out of the perfection mentality, the constant need to be more.

These days I simply allow myself “BE”, clipping the wings of wanting to tear myself down with my thoughts, sleeping on the couch of self-forgiveness instead of lying in bed with liars whose constant torment of ” You are not enough” used to be the gospel I preached to myself daily.

Love is patient, Love is Kind…….

Love is doesn’t hold back the best of itself

Love does not pick days to love

Most importantly……

Love Does Not Hate Itself

With Love
Suzanne.

Rants and Bants, THINK, TidBits and Random Stuff

On Turning 23

It is quiet just like I thought it would be.

I am learning that social media is the worst tool to measure where you are right now as a person, its ok if you aren’t where you wish you would be, social media doesn’t tell you that instead it feeds us with the craze to want to make our stories the same and I decided to fight the tide.

I wish there was a hand book that would tell me how to navigate “Adulthood” especially freshman year.

If its anything to go by, its the realization that I don’t have to beat myself up for not being where I should be.

The only Selfie I took on my birthday; I was very uneasy
The only Selfie I took on my birthday; I was very uneasy

Its saying no to self-hate and understanding that I am a miracle….

It is straightening this shriveled up body that has always wanted to please everyone and abandoning apologies (thanks ore)

Its enjoying the quiet that comes with my awkward social life.

Its smiling steadily as my Dad for the first time in my life “Says Happy Birthday” to me.

Its saying hang on “kiddo” you may not have all the cake you want and stuff on your wishlist, but you’ll get there.

So here is to me being the best version of my self, to serious soul searching, conscious living and brave decisions.

You are loved infinitesimally by a God who knows what’s up.

Be a Hermit/Recluse/Socially Awkward person all you want, this world is a brighter place because of you.

So I really don’t know how to navigate 23 yet but I know one thing, its going to be the best year yet.

Love And Light
Sue

Rants and Bants

DEAR SUE: VERSION 22:15

I know right now you are sitting in your room, alone with your phone, your thoughts are going haywire and you are crying. The kind of tears that is rooted in fear. Easy Kammy Easy.

Its almost as though everywhere you turn, a brick wall is being set up, it feels as if God himself is elbowing you in.

You are almost certain God wants to teach you a lesson.

THESE LESSONS YOU DIDN’T WANT TO LEARN

22 meant crying ceaselessly into your pillow.
22 was Not understanding how up until now you didn’t have a clear cut idea of what you wanted
22 meant being scared shitless, afraid of whether you were going to graduate
22 meant inner turmoil that left you restless for days.
22 meant feeling lonely and not knowing what would happen.

But it also meant being Brave and walking forward like a mutant warrior

It meant trusting unwavering and loving steadily.

It meant praying till your voice became hoarse and your knees bleeding.

It also meant that finals came and projects was done with. You did it.

The fears you had about failing meant you had a distinction in your results because Rom 8:28 came tumbling down your path every single time.

FEAR IS A THING THAT EVAPORATES

Eloghosa Osunde knew what she was saying when she wrote that line.

You learnt to be vulnerable, to give parts of yourself to people regardless of what they did with it.

You learnt that shame and guilt were crippling emotions that would ruin you.

You Learnt that Accepting Scraps for fear of not finding anything better was total rubbish

You learnt to hold people accountable for the way you were being treated.

You Learnt that Love was Give and Take, it meant Growth and it Sure Meant “You”.

You Learnt that Toxic people were bad for your health.

You learnt that Lipstick made you happy, and that it was ok if you were not able to afford the things you wanted at the time.

You learnt that finding your voice meant being still.

But most importantly You learnt that Maybe Meant No, that people won’t always tell you what the truth.

You did great this year.

You had joy in abundance.

You traveled, you laughed and you lived.

You eventually got over your fear of public speaking.

You are more than you think you are.

You may still not have a surefire plan as to how Version 23.16 may look but you have a God who knows the way and has a blueprint that would be the envy of those who made Burj Khalifa.

BRAVE

That word keeps ringing in your ears, and you know now that truly Fear is a Thing that evaporates, Slowly then all at once.

Happy Birthday in Advance Sue; An Upgrade is in order.

Xoxo

Obasi Susan Kamnelechukwu